Europe is a country and everyone speaks french here

Just goes to show why any Hollywood entertainer (Will Smith, I'm looking at you) should never run for politics. Oh, what a half wit. The American school system should be so proud.



Stupid Contestant Answers

Alex Trebek would pop a vein if these half wits showed on his show.  Read them and weep with laughter:

Bamber Gascoigne: What was Ghandi's first name?
Contestant: Goosey, Goosey?

Anne Robinson: In traffic, what "J" is where two roads meet?
Contestant: Jool carriageway.

Anne Robinson: Which Italian city is overlooked by Vesuvius?
Contestant: Bombay.

Anne Robinson: What insect is commonly found hovering above lakes?
Contestant: Crocodiles.
Anne Robinson: Wh...?
Contestant (interrupting): Pass!

Anne Robinson: In olden times, what were minstrels, travelling entertainers or chocolate salesmen?
Contestant: Chocolate salesmen.

Anne Robinson: The Bible, the New Testament. The Four Gospels were written by Matthew, Mark, Luke and...?
Contestant: (long pause) Joe?

Anne Robinson: Who was a famous Indian leader, whose name begins with G, revered by millions, who was assassinated and received a state funeral?
Contestant: Geronimo!

Eamonn Holmes: What's the name of the playwright commonly known by the initials G.B.S.?
Contestant: William Shakespeare.

Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
Caller: Japan.
Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.
Caller: Er... Mexico?

1) Something a blind man might use? - A Sword

2) A song with the word Moon in the title? - Blue Suede Moon

3) Name the capital of France? - F

4) Name a bird with a long Neck? - Naomi Campbell

5) Name an occupation where you might need a torch? - A burglar

6) Where is the Taj Mahal? - Opposite the Dental Hospital

7) What is Hitler's first name? - Heil

8) A famous Scotsman? - Jock

9) Some famous brothers? - Bonnie and Clyde.

10) A dangerous race? - The Arabs

11) Something that floats in a bath? - Water

12) An item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers? - A horse

13) Something you wear on a beach? - A deckchair

14) A famous Royal? - Mail

15) Something that flies that doesn't have an engine? - A bicycle with wings

16) A famous bridge? - The Bridge Over Troubled Waters

17) Something a cat does? - Goes to the toilet

18) Something you do in the bathroom? - Decorate

19) A method of securing your home? - Put the kettle on

20) Something associated with pigs? - The Police

21) A sign of the Zodiac? - April

22) Something people might be allergic to? - Skiing

23) Something you do before you go to bed? - Sleep

24) Something you put on walls? - A roof

25) Something slippery? - A conman

26) A kind of ache? - A fillet of fish

27) A jacket potato topping? - Jam

28) A food that can be brown or white? - A potato

29) Something sold by gypsies? - Bananas

30) Something red? - My sweater

Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona.
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain.

Wright: On which continent would you find the River Danube?
Contestant: India.

Wright: What is the Italian word for motorway?
Contestant: Espresso.

Wright: What is the capital of Australia? And it's not Sydney.
Contestant: Sydney.

Judy Finnegan: The American TV show 'The Sopranos' is about opera. True or false?
Contestant: True?
Judy Finnegan: No, actually, it's about the Mafia. But it is an American TV show,so I'll give you that.

Paul Wappat: How long did the Six Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.

Presenter: Bob Hope was the fifth of how many sons?
Contestant: Four

Wood: What "K" could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er...
Wood: It's got two syllables... Kor...
Contestant: Blimey?
Wood: Ha ha ha ha no. The past participle of run...
Contestant: (Silence)
Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I...
Contestant: Walked?

Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland?
Daryl Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
Daryl Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?
Contestant: No.

Blogged with Flock


This is actually funny

Embedded Video

Blogged with Flock

Gramma' embarassin me 'gin

Embedded Video

Blogged with Flock

It's a Miracle

top-asg-008303.jpgNot only is she (argh) beautiful, but she is also some kind of witch medicine woman. Halle Berry says she’s worked her way from type 1 to type 2 diabetes. Wow. How did she do that? Do you think she can cure the rest of the world too? Or does it just work on her delusional self?

"Berry has said that she’s worked her way up from type 1 diabetes (insulin dependent) to type 2 (formerly known as non-insulin dependent). While lots of people with Type 2 do have to use insulin (which is why they don’t call it non-insulin dependent anymore), all people with type 1 have to use it. The diseases aren’t actually close friends that you can upgrade and downgrade between. People with type 1 have islet cells in their pancreases that are destroyed, and thus no longer produce insulin. People with type 2 do produce insulin, but either not enough, or their bodies are no longer sensitive to it. They’re obviously complex diseases, but there’s a nutshell. Berry’s claims have contributed to further confusion about diabetes. She has enraged the diabetic community by claiming that’s she’s worked her way up from type 1 to type 2 diabetes, and has weaned herself off insulin.

Pregnant HALLE BERRY has angered diabetes experts, after claiming she had succeeded in downgrading the severity of her disease with a healthy diet. The actress was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes early on in her Hollywood career, but recently (Oct07) alleged that she has reclassified herself as a Type 2 diabetic simply through good living. But medical experts are enraged with her claims and have accused her of “confusing” fellow diabetics with her comments. A diabetes specialist tells PerezHilton.com, “If you come off insulin, then you were always a Type 2. She is feeding into all the confusion in the world.” People diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes cannot reverse their condition because their pancreas is destroyed, whereas Type 2 sufferers still internally produce some insulin."

[From Contact Music]

I have always thought she was such a phony baloney. Every crying face of hers is exactly the same, whether she is winning the Oscar or some rinky-dink beauty contest. Clearly, she practices these "amazed and unexpected" outcomes. Oh, bitch please. I look forward to more people calling out her phony fake self.

Blogged with Flock

House is dating Mandy Moore?

Oh, wait, that's not House, it's Chandler Bing. Uncanny resemblance, no?

Blogged with Flock

My favourite headline this week

Garth Brooks replaces Elvis as the fattest bestselling solo artist in history! - In Case You Didn't Know

Blogged with Flock

Growing old gracefully in H'Wood ...

Blogged with Flock

Fiction, meet reality

If this shizz is true, then ... wow. I am really left speechless. On the blog DListed.com, is a clip which purports to be Britney actually singing at a gig back in 2001. Not lipsynching, but actually - cough cough- singing. Be very careful, this is not pleasant. Click here for the link. Don't say I didna warn ye.

Blogged with Flock

No longer such a small world, eh fattie?

This news is kinda depressing once you stop laughing. Proving Americans are still "big" in the world comes this article in The Los Angeles Times.

"Forty-one years after the whimsical ride debuted at the Anaheim park,Disneyland plans to shutter the attraction in January to give it a much-needed face-lift -- and deal with the delicate problem of bottoming-out boats. 
   Heavier-than-anticipated loads have been causing the boats to come to a standstill in two different spots, allowing for an extra-long gander at the Canadian Mounties and the Scandinavian geese, said Al Lutz, whose website MiceAge first reported the refurbishment plans.  "If these boats get stuck . . . they have to send someone back in there to lighten the load on the boat," said Lutz, who has been on the ride when a guest or two was asked to disembark.  "They've even built a platform next to that [Mounties] curve because they've had so many problems."
   Disneyland plans to add an inch of depth to the water channel and design more-buoyant boats, Lutz said. Perhaps in an effort to protect visitors' egos, the park insists that fat tourists aren't to blame. The boats get stuck because "layers and layers" of fiberglass have built up where maintenance teams have patched and re-patched problem areas, said Disneyland Resort spokesman Bob Tucker.   "The only thing that's true is that we are going down in January and it's for 10 months and it's to replace the flumes," Tucker said.

   But Disneyland is well aware of America's expanding waistlines. In recent years, the park has redesigned many of its costumes and started stocking them in larger sizes to accommodate ever-expanding waistlines. Adult men and women are about 25 pounds heavier than they were in 1960, and 65% are considered overweight, according to the National Center for Health Statistics. The average weight for men jumped from 166 pounds in 1960 to 191 pounds in 2002; women average 164 pounds instead of 140.  
   Of course, this is a world of fantasy and the perfect place to forget about that diet for a few hours. So when somebody gets booted from the boat, Lutz said, Disneyland ride operators make sure the guests don't leave disappointed: They hand them a food ticket."

Between the anorexic half wits of Hollywood and the fatties of the rest of the country, I fear the future bodes ill for our American neighbours to the south.

Blogged with Flock

Remembrance Day

Blogged with Flock


Who knew they had feelings?

Here is something to think about the next time we are in a restaurant, feeling all emperer-like about our dinner. They actually know they are getting boiled. Huh.

Blogged with Flock


Claps to Doogie

Neil Patrick Harris
I'll be having nightmares all week. Don't mess with a gay clown.


What we are

Dance monkey Dance!