Yuh, that's about right

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You can't make this stuff up

Hollywood must be scrambling to buy the rights to the Joyce McKinney story: it features insanity, obsession, religion, a Penthouse pinup turned female rapist, courtroom drama, and a cloned vicious pit bull. Jeremy Olshan of the NY Post dished up all the lurid details that other news outlets neglected.

As you may recall, a woman named Bernann McKinney recently made the news because she cloned her pit bull in Korea for $50,000, and the result was five puppies. Someone recognized her photograph and ID'd her as Joyce McKinney, a sex crazed pinup girl who was on the lam for 30 years after she kidnapped a Mormon missionary. Joyce, a former Miss Wyoming, was a Utah student in the 70's when she became obsessed with Kirk Anderson, a fellow student and missionary. They had a brief romance but she was too possessive, and he moved to England to escape her.

She tracked him down, and with chloroform and a fake gun, kidnapped him and manacled him with fur lined handcuffs to a bed at a remote cottage. After days of reading the scriptures and begging him to marry her, she forced him to have sex with her. Later in court he said " I couldn't move" and she testified "Kirk had to be tied up to have an orgasm."

The UK tabloids went wild with the story, dubbing her the "Shackle Queen." Somehow McKinney jumped bail and hid in Atlanta posing as a nun. When it became clear that British authorities didn't intend to extradite her, she posed nude in a series of magazines. In 1984 she was caught skulking around Kirk's home and was arrested again. In 1999 she was interviewed living in isolation in a shack in Tennessee with her beloved pit bull, who pulled her wheelchair.

Now it turns out her beloved pit bull viciously attacked two joggers and was condemned to be euthanized, but Joyce kidnapped HIM from the pound before he could be put to death. So these adorable puppies have THAT DNA. The Koreans who cloned her dog might be sorry they gave her a $50,000 discount for being "so nice." Who would YOU cast in the role of Joyce? I'm thinking Melanie Griffith and her big lips. Who's another crazy blonde?


Source

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Thanks and have a nice day

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Read carefully

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Mr. T pities the fool who think he's a homophobe

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I love America

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Untitled

Everytime I needed a laugh I popped in "The Kings of Comedy." In fact, I once showed it to a very stressed out class of mine. I love the subtle in-joke face Bernie Mac plays to the audience.  And how he calls the little one a "motherfucker." Hahahahahahah. oh Bernie, Godspeed.

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Is this ad homophobic or just homo?

Does it offend you? It offends me but not because of any gay bashing undertones -- it offends me aesthetically. Who is the Shakespeare that came up with this pile of excrement? Sheesh.

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RIP King of Comedy

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YES!!

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Who knew Spiders were so bad ass?

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THIS -- Hilarious!

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Al Green: Simply Beautiful

A dedication to a hurtin boy.

Al Green

Genius.

Animals versus Children

My friend Shani sent me this funny. Enjoy.



------------

 

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - pet nose height.

 

Dear Dogs and Cats:

 

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food..
The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw
print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it
becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in
the slightest.

 

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.

Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't
help because I fall faster than you can run.

 

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this.

Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.

Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary

to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.

I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out
the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

 

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle

I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw,

whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to

pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have
been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not
required.

 

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's rear.

I cannot stress this enough!

 

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on

our front door: To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain

About Our Pets:

 

1. They live here. You don't.

 

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.

    That's why they call it 'fur'niture.

 

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

 

4. To you, they are an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter

    who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

 

 

Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less

2. Don't ask for money all the time

3 Are easier to train 

4. Normally come when called

5. Never ask to drive the car

6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends

7. Don't smoke or drink

8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions

9. Don't want to wear your clothes

10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...

11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

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OMFG

Reality (Sound)bites / Jossip

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Uh, I don't think that's creamer...I love u, engrish.com

Uh, I don't think that's creamer...

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I love this guy

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Hey Look, It's malfoy Rocking out.

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What kind of horrible people wear fur?

.

Celebutopia

oh, right.

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Wha???

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future prezident of 'Merica?

What a lovely typical American family, right down to the choking dog. Holy love of crap.

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I can't go swimming ...

... for I have mental disorder. Just a question, why can't any business man enter bathing area?

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Best name ever

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Screw You!

Engrish.com just makes me laugh so hard!

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RIP Muthafucka!

Any Dexter fans? I'm gonna miss Doakes.

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*NEW YEAR BONANA FROM HEINEKEN LIGHT PROMOTION*

This is a headline/letter I recently received in my mailboxat gmail. It made me think I had won some sort of beer banana at first, until I realised it was once again, a highly educated genius trying to scam me out of my millions. *sigh* what the hell list did I get on?

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!The Trauma!

Poor Britters

I think the poor girl is going to die. Where did it all go wrong for her? Was it her stellar choices in men? Her excellent parents? Her highly educated self? How did it all come to this? I am not a fan of her -ahem- talent but I do feel for her and her two poor little kids.

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Pax says Merry Holidays!

This is my foster dog Pax Jolie-Pitt. He needs a good home. If you might be interested, please email me or www.sophiesdogadoption.com. Thanks for potentially saving a life.

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Happy Happy Holiday

Not to be the Christmas bummer or anything but some headlines from MSNBC.com today:
Crowded bridge collapses in Nepal
Suicide blasts kill 34 in Iraq
Faithful mark Christmas Day
Pope issues Christmas Day appeal
Turkish planes bomb rebels in Iraq.

Enjoy your orgy of gifts.

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I can't believe they cracked his code!

Wow. What a criminal genius, a veritable Shakespeare, one might say.

" — Police said a Somerset County man fled a traffic stop, went home, shaved his mustache and changed his clothes, and reported the truck he was driving as stolen.

Conemaugh Township police said they stopped Robert Sadlon, 50, for a broken taillight on Thanksgiving night and he ran off. Later, the same officer went to Sadlon's home near Stoystown to investigate the reported theft. There, he found a just-shaven Sadlon in different clothes.

Sadlon is charged with drunken driving, escape and related charges."

Source: The Tribune-Democrat, http://www.tribune-democrat.com

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Europe is a country and everyone speaks french here

Just goes to show why any Hollywood entertainer (Will Smith, I'm looking at you) should never run for politics. Oh, what a half wit. The American school system should be so proud.

Me too, I am looking for happiness

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Futhamucka puppies ...

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Men of New York ... RUN

Paris is moving on up to the East Side!!!!!

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Stupid Contestant Answers

Alex Trebek would pop a vein if these half wits showed on his show.  Read them and weep with laughter:

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
Bamber Gascoigne: What was Ghandi's first name?
Contestant: Goosey, Goosey?

THE WEAKEST LINK
Anne Robinson: In traffic, what "J" is where two roads meet?
Contestant: Jool carriageway.

Anne Robinson: Which Italian city is overlooked by Vesuvius?
Contestant: Bombay.

Anne Robinson: What insect is commonly found hovering above lakes?
Contestant: Crocodiles.
Anne Robinson: Wh...?
Contestant (interrupting): Pass!

Anne Robinson: In olden times, what were minstrels, travelling entertainers or chocolate salesmen?
Contestant: Chocolate salesmen.

Anne Robinson: The Bible, the New Testament. The Four Gospels were written by Matthew, Mark, Luke and...?
Contestant: (long pause) Joe?

Anne Robinson: Who was a famous Indian leader, whose name begins with G, revered by millions, who was assassinated and received a state funeral?
Contestant: Geronimo!

NATIONAL LOTTERY JET SET
Eamonn Holmes: What's the name of the playwright commonly known by the initials G.B.S.?
Contestant: William Shakespeare.

CHRIS SEARLE SHOW, BBC BRISTOL
Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
Caller: Japan.
Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.
Caller: Er... Mexico?

FAMILY FORTUNES
1) Something a blind man might use? - A Sword

2) A song with the word Moon in the title? - Blue Suede Moon

3) Name the capital of France? - F

4) Name a bird with a long Neck? - Naomi Campbell

5) Name an occupation where you might need a torch? - A burglar

6) Where is the Taj Mahal? - Opposite the Dental Hospital

7) What is Hitler's first name? - Heil

8) A famous Scotsman? - Jock

9) Some famous brothers? - Bonnie and Clyde.

10) A dangerous race? - The Arabs

11) Something that floats in a bath? - Water

12) An item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers? - A horse

13) Something you wear on a beach? - A deckchair

14) A famous Royal? - Mail

15) Something that flies that doesn't have an engine? - A bicycle with wings

16) A famous bridge? - The Bridge Over Troubled Waters

17) Something a cat does? - Goes to the toilet

18) Something you do in the bathroom? - Decorate

19) A method of securing your home? - Put the kettle on

20) Something associated with pigs? - The Police

21) A sign of the Zodiac? - April

22) Something people might be allergic to? - Skiing

23) Something you do before you go to bed? - Sleep

24) Something you put on walls? - A roof

25) Something slippery? - A conman

26) A kind of ache? - A fillet of fish

27) A jacket potato topping? - Jam

28) A food that can be brown or white? - A potato

29) Something sold by gypsies? - Bananas

30) Something red? - My sweater

RADIO LINCS PHONE-IN
Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona.
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain.

STEVE WRIGHT SHOW, RADIO 2
Wright: On which continent would you find the River Danube?
Contestant: India.

Wright: What is the Italian word for motorway?
Contestant: Espresso.

Wright: What is the capital of Australia? And it's not Sydney.
Contestant: Sydney.

THIS MORNING
Judy Finnegan: The American TV show 'The Sopranos' is about opera. True or false?
Contestant: True?
Judy Finnegan: No, actually, it's about the Mafia. But it is an American TV show,so I'll give you that.

BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE
Paul Wappat: How long did the Six Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.

BOB HOPE BIRTHDAY QUIZ, LBC
Presenter: Bob Hope was the fifth of how many sons?
Contestant: Four

BBC GMR, PHIL WOOD SHOW
Wood: What "K" could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er...
Wood: It's got two syllables... Kor...
Contestant: Blimey?
Wood: Ha ha ha ha no. The past participle of run...
Contestant: (Silence)
Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I...
Contestant: Walked?

DARYL'S DRIVETIME, VIRGIN RADIO
Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland?
Daryl Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
Daryl Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?
Contestant: No.

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This is actually funny

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Gramma' embarassin me 'gin

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It's a Miracle

Not only is she (argh) beautiful, but she is also some kind of witch medicine woman. Halle Berry says she’s worked her way from type 1 to type 2 diabetes. Wow. How did she do that? Do you think she can cure the rest of the world too? Or does it just work on her delusional self?

"Berry has said that she’s worked her way up from type 1 diabetes (insulin dependent) to type 2 (formerly known as non-insulin dependent). While lots of people with Type 2 do have to use insulin (which is why they don’t call it non-insulin dependent anymore), all people with type 1 have to use it. The diseases aren’t actually close friends that you can upgrade and downgrade between. People with type 1 have islet cells in their pancreases that are destroyed, and thus no longer produce insulin. People with type 2 do produce insulin, but either not enough, or their bodies are no longer sensitive to it. They’re obviously complex diseases, but there’s a nutshell. Berry’s claims have contributed to further confusion about diabetes. She has enraged the diabetic community by claiming that’s she’s worked her way up from type 1 to type 2 diabetes, and has weaned herself off insulin.

Pregnant HALLE BERRY has angered diabetes experts, after claiming she had succeeded in downgrading the severity of her disease with a healthy diet. The actress was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes early on in her Hollywood career, but recently (Oct07) alleged that she has reclassified herself as a Type 2 diabetic simply through good living. But medical experts are enraged with her claims and have accused her of “confusing” fellow diabetics with her comments. A diabetes specialist tells PerezHilton.com, “If you come off insulin, then you were always a Type 2. She is feeding into all the confusion in the world.” People diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes cannot reverse their condition because their pancreas is destroyed, whereas Type 2 sufferers still internally produce some insulin."

[From Contact Music]

I have always thought she was such a phony baloney. Every crying face of hers is exactly the same, whether she is winning the Oscar or some rinky-dink beauty contest. Clearly, she practices these "amazed and unexpected" outcomes. Oh, bitch please. I look forward to more people calling out her phony fake self.

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House is dating Mandy Moore?

Oh, wait, that's not House, it's Chandler Bing. Uncanny resemblance, no?

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My favourite headline this week

Garth Brooks replaces Elvis as the fattest bestselling solo artist in history! - In Case You Didn't Know
Hahahahahahahaha.

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Growing old gracefully in H'Wood ...

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Fiction, meet reality

If this shizz is true, then ... wow. I am really left speechless. On the blog DListed.com, is a clip which purports to be Britney actually singing at a gig back in 2001. Not lipsynching, but actually - cough cough- singing. Be very careful, this is not pleasant. Click here for the link. Don't say I didna warn ye.

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No longer such a small world, eh fattie?

This news is kinda depressing once you stop laughing. Proving Americans are still "big" in the world comes this article in The Los Angeles Times.

"Forty-one years after the whimsical ride debuted at the Anaheim park,Disneyland plans to shutter the attraction in January to give it a much-needed face-lift -- and deal with the delicate problem of bottoming-out boats. 
   Heavier-than-anticipated loads have been causing the boats to come to a standstill in two different spots, allowing for an extra-long gander at the Canadian Mounties and the Scandinavian geese, said Al Lutz, whose website MiceAge first reported the refurbishment plans.  "If these boats get stuck . . . they have to send someone back in there to lighten the load on the boat," said Lutz, who has been on the ride when a guest or two was asked to disembark.  "They've even built a platform next to that [Mounties] curve because they've had so many problems."
   Disneyland plans to add an inch of depth to the water channel and design more-buoyant boats, Lutz said. Perhaps in an effort to protect visitors' egos, the park insists that fat tourists aren't to blame. The boats get stuck because "layers and layers" of fiberglass have built up where maintenance teams have patched and re-patched problem areas, said Disneyland Resort spokesman Bob Tucker.   "The only thing that's true is that we are going down in January and it's for 10 months and it's to replace the flumes," Tucker said.

   But Disneyland is well aware of America's expanding waistlines. In recent years, the park has redesigned many of its costumes and started stocking them in larger sizes to accommodate ever-expanding waistlines. Adult men and women are about 25 pounds heavier than they were in 1960, and 65% are considered overweight, according to the National Center for Health Statistics. The average weight for men jumped from 166 pounds in 1960 to 191 pounds in 2002; women average 164 pounds instead of 140.  
   Of course, this is a world of fantasy and the perfect place to forget about that diet for a few hours. So when somebody gets booted from the boat, Lutz said, Disneyland ride operators make sure the guests don't leave disappointed: They hand them a food ticket."

Between the anorexic half wits of Hollywood and the fatties of the rest of the country, I fear the future bodes ill for our American neighbours to the south.

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Remembrance Day

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Who knew they had feelings?

Here is something to think about the next time we are in a restaurant, feeling all emperer-like about our dinner. They actually know they are getting boiled. Huh.

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Claps to Doogie

I'll be having nightmares all week. Don't mess with a gay clown.

What we are

Dance monkey Dance!

Just in time for Hallowe'en

Man in N.J. Charged with Having Sex with a Corpse

TEANECK, N.J. (1010 WINS)  -- Police in Teaneck arrested a man for allegedly having sex with a corpse.

Anthony Merino, a 24-year-old lab technician, was arrested Sunday after a security guard saw him having sex with a dead 92-year-old woman in the Holy Name Hospital morgue, police said. The suspect works part time at Holy Name Hospital, holds a full time job at Overlook Hospital and another part time position at Bio Reference Labs in New Jersey.

Merino is charged with desecrating human remains in the second degree. His bail has been set at $400,000. 

Merino is also expected to undergo a psychological evaluation and is restricted from working in a health care facility.

I believe I speak for most of us when I say "Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! WTF?!" This dude puts the we'eny in Hallowe'en(y). Just a question tho, if this is "desecrating human remains in the second degree," what in the name of crap is desecrating in the FIRST degree?

I Am Legend Trailer 2

Mad Max crossed with 28 Days, seasoned with a splash of Independence Day.

We really need to get rid of Hollywood

I find it very depressing to read about the latest reality "star." I love this quote from The NYTimes about this bimbo and the entire phenomena of fame and celebrity:

How, one may ask, is it possible for a personality who great hunks of the citizenry never imagined existed to build up a social network more populous than Dallas? How can Tila Tequila have become enormously famous having done little of note beyond appearing as Playboy’s Cyber Girl of the Week? When exactly in the Warholian arc of fame did we arrive at a point where we create celebrities of people so little accomplished that they make Paris Hilton look like Marie Curie?

What does this say about us and where we are heading? I will not even use the word culture, as in pop culture or even low culture. There is no hint of any culture in this vicinity. Is it just me or is the world of porn rapidly being absorbed into this Hollywood cult of celebrity? The new porn aesthetique. Stripper poles and booty shots. Something once relegated to backrooms and brown paper bag economics has now become fixed squarely and defiantly under the spotlight. And we shouldn't be so dismissive by saying it is only a particular demographic that is the target. Thanks to the internet and other such technologies, Tila Tequila and her ilk are everywhere.

Sure we can admire her entrepreneurial initiative in selling herself and her sexual availability-- excuse me, the appearance of her sexual availability. We could. Does the product even matter? Just because she is selling herself rather than say, soup, does it make it more sleazy than Campbell's? Or is it all relative, and not about the product -- soup or sexual availability -- but rather the whole business of pimping selling process itself?

I am completely serious when I say that porn and Hollywood mainstream are totally merged. Why does Jenna Jameson (and her duck lips) walk the red carpet? Why is it cool to be part of the porn world? And not just cool as in "I hate my parents" cool, or "I am a total cokehead" cool and can't tell the real world from anything, but as in art and creative force and all that stuff.

Case in point, Dave Navarro. Let me just state for the record that I loved Jane's Addiction back in the day. And Dave Navarro was a bad mo-fo. Could he play that guitar?! He was no poseur, no douchebag, no sketchy looking ageing "producer" type. Now he has become a beacon of selling out for all sell out wannabees. Rockstar? His marriage with Carmen Electra? Does he do anything off camera? Maybe go to the bathroom ... hang on, what a great idea for other ageing hipsters who need colonics. Dave Navarro constipated! Let's watch him have his cancer/polyp checkup! But seriously, he has announced that he is now directly pornos. Yup, that's right. Once a talented tortured serious musician with gravitas now films people fucking. Here is his defence:

“Rock and porn exist to break taboos. Rock used to have that rebellious ‘up against the world’ creed . . . That doesn’t exist anymore in the music world - but it’s alive and well in the adult industry.” He adds: “It’s heartening to feel kin to a group of freewheeling individuals who don’t give a shit about approval.”

I agree about that whole music thing - cough Maroon 5 cough -- but come on! This was the ONLY alternative? Sure it's a free country and we can all do what we want bla bla bla but don't we have a resonsibility to elevate ourselves? The world? Tell me what bimbos like TT contribute to the world? And Dave Navarro?

Paris? Why no costume this year?

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Where's your costume?

I see they packed their lunch

Yikes!! One scary-ass Hallowe'en costume

They've sucked me in

Well, I have now succumbed to Facebook. it was a valiant effore, but alas, I caved. I fell. I don't even understand it, but I know I am already a little addicted. Scrabalicious? Harry Potter spells? Sign me up.  And in other news, the country of Rwanda has breathed a sigh of relief -- and really, haven't the people of Rwanda suffered enough? Paris has postponed her trip. I guess it is hard to keep up her supply of hillbilly heroin in Africa. Did I say that? Kidding! Bygones.

technorati tags:Facebook

Where's my gun?

Fur is so EVIL.

It's okay ... Ah, I lost it

Well, this is depressing

By Colin Crummy

The most talked about person in TV, radio and print news for 2007, excluding politicans, was Paris Hilton, according to a survey by a Canadian communications company.

Oh, vey, just keeps getting worse, doesn't it? And btw, do you think that is the writer's REAL name? Or some clever nom de plume?

I love this bird

My friend Marci sent me this little nugget of entertainment. It made my day!

Hawt!!

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I USED to feel kinda bad ....

for her but .... OH BITCH PUHLEEZE ... is that FUR???!!!! It's on, Britney lipsyncher. And stay home and look after your babies for one night, wouldja. WTF is wrong with you?

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She was so wasted

My last comment about the VMAs.

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I have no comment

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No no NO!!!!

What the hell is happening to us? What does this say? Oy, I am without speech. Consumerism, consumption, Hollywood"it" girls flashing the vajajays ... has it come to all this?

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LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!

Zarf?!! You're back!! Seriously though, this guy scares me. Someone get him a job on a soap. "Leave Britney alone! Please?!" He means it! He said she's not well right now. Um, SHE'S not well? Pot, the kettle's calling, pick up!

Uncannily Accurate

Check out this representation of the internet from 1969. Did you note how the woman is all about the shopping while the man (looking worried with his furrowed brow) is taking care of the bills? Yup, this is how my computer looks.

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Bitch, please!

My dog barked for 6 minutes last night and I got a huge fine. Who is the mayor of this place? Michael Vick?

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Gimme LESS

Oh, it hurts to watch.